Sigh

I'm sorry, that I most definitely am. I don't intend to get angry even the semblance of the idea but after that many please stops, I have to set some sort of boundary, and yet here I am going to cave anyways.

When you brought up your character scenario, it bothered the heck out of me because I had already had to go through that scenario with those characters once already and you played it off as if it were nothing. Whether I will admit it or not, yes, it does bother me. It seemingly always will. Just because I understand why something is done doesn't necessarily mean I accept that it should be done that way. I still like the idea of the whole thing meeting paper solely because I feel it's a form of closure.

My walks were a way for me to reflect upon my own thoughts and decipher them out into convenient chunks. It was only an hour or so twice a week to clean my mind up. I now feel guilty about 30 minutes to myself. I didn't accomplish anything other than thinking about why I was feeling bleh in the first place and since the last thing I could think of was you talking about the character scenario I was lead to believe that maybe it was jealousy that I couldn't come up with something like that.

There is going to come times when I don't necessarily want to discuss things. Take into account the things that I do share with you. If something trivial is bothering me, I think it best to respect my wishes instead of trying to pry it out of me as clearly I have told you more important things then trying to decipher what I should do to keep myself amused in your absence. Well now, here we are at the absence part and I still haven't came up with anything. How productive was that?

I suppose a large part of it, is that as time draws closer, it's starting to set in that there is no way I can live up to the expectations that you have put on me. If I could somehow find something to make myself more interesting then maybe, but that hasn't been working out very well now has it? So instead, I merely made things worse.